Thursday, September 30, 2010

Some mushiness and demonic psychology professors

Let's start with the mushiness. All these songs are currently on my "<3" playlist. Suggestions for more songs would be really awesome.

Your Eyes- RENT
Mary Jane- Alanis Morissette
Think Of Me- Phantom of the Opera
All I Ask Of You- PotO
Catch Me When I Fall- Ashlee Simpson
Hip to My Heart- The Band Perry
Mama's Song- Carrie Underwood
Everytime We Touch- Cascada
Bubbly- Colbie Caillat
Bring Me To Life (ABH and Fallen)- Evanescence
Before the Dawn- Ev
October- Ev
Good Enough- Ev
Anywhere- Ev
What I Wouldn't Do- A Fine Frenzy
You Picked Me- AFF
Think Of You- AFF
Near To You- AFF
My Funny Valentine- Frank Sinatra
Halo/Walking on Sunshine- Glee cast
My Life Would Suck Without You- Glee cast
Collide- Howie Day
Faithfully- Journey
Any Way You Want It- Journey
It's Only Life- Kate Voegele
My Life Would Suck Without You- Kelly Carkson
Taylor, the Latte Boy- Kristin Chenoweth
If You Want My Love- Laura Bell Bundy
I Just Call You Mine- Martina McBride
Love Song- Sara Bareilles
Many the Miles- Sara Bareilles
Vegas- SB
Bottle It Up- SB
One Sweet Love- SB
Morningside- SB
Between the Lines- SB
City- SB
Love on the Rocks- SB
Light My Candle- RENT
You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift
Hey Stephen- Taylor Swift
Fearless- Taylor Swift
Love Story- TS
Tim McGraw- TS
Mary's Song (Oh My My My)- TS
Our Song- TS
Stay Beautiful- TS
I'm Only Me When I'm With You- TS
You Really Got Me- Van Halen
Can't Stop Lovin' You- Van Halen
Can You Feel the Love Tonight- The Lion King

 Mkay... Done with that. So, psychology professor.... asshole. Yes, that means you Dr. Foster, you are indeed an asshole. He was just starting to pass out the tests and said that he was being nice, the test was only 170 questions. Immediately we all started to have heart attacks. Like, wtf, who has almost two hundred questions on their test? But, no, he was like "did I say 170? I meant 70. Just seeing if you were awake." So NOT funny. I think several people were thinking that if the tests had at least 170 questions they were going to have to drop the class. I was one of those people, by the way.

It was not funny, dammit!
Love,
Alice

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Squirrels and conquering the library

I'm decently sure that all of the professors in the school have giant meetings in which they try to put all projects, presentations, papers, and tests in the same two weeks, and if they can do it, have them all due on the same day. I have two quizzes and an outline for a paper due tomorrow, a test on thursday, and I've also got a bunch of group projects and an individual research project to work on. Why, why, why would I ever chose to research the relationship between disorganized attachment and dissociative identity disorder? Am I an idiot? That's HARD.

But, I conquered the library's computer and printer system today. See, there are only about... fifteen or twenty computers in the library that you can use to print things. Well, if you're lucky and they haven't designated a whole row to be "for guest use only." They do that far too often. Anyway. You'll probably always end up computer-less and wondering what the hell to do, 'cause there's no fucking way you're walking back across campus to the Guinn-Stark computer lab (or figuring out how to get into that lab...). Well, you stake out a spot. Take a chair near the computers, take out some notes to look like you have some dignity left, and watch. Very carefully. If someone gets up to go to the printer control box it's very likely they're going to go back to the computer just to grab their stuff, and then leave. So watch for that, and be prepared to run walk quickly and calmly to the newly free computer. Ta da!

Moving on. I was studying outside in the gardens (I spend my time in the library or outside studying, I'm exciting, right?) when I saw a squirrel considering if he should go across the path or not, the squirrels on campus spend half their time doing that, by the way, I decided to be very still so he could go across and not be afraid. Well, he was so not afraid he spent twenty minutes trying to decide if he should climb up my bag or not. At one point he looked like he was going to try and jump on top of my head. It was really amazing.

Love,
Alice

PS. New, actually fantastic poem up on my website! (http://www.gisellesylphide.webs.com)

Monday, September 27, 2010

Giving thanks to some unexpected help

Mkay, so pretty  much everyone on this site listens to Evanescence or We Are The Fallen, or both. A lot of both..s. So we all remember Ben's message to everyone, correct? If not, google it. You'll find it, and you should read it.

Well, there was really good timing with that and what happened yesterday. Which is a coincidence, obviously. Ben is not aware of a lot of people's existence, mine included, and I really doubt Sydney has ever read that. She's a hardcore Ev hater, which puts her against anything anyone in/used to be in the band has done. Because obviously they're all one trick ponies (yes, I am beating my head against the desk). Anyway. For some reason, that message really helped me process her reappearance, even though they have absolutely nothing similar. But it did. I managed to think calmly about the situation, partly to do with the people I love, and partly do to with that message. So, I offer thanks to one Ben Moody.

love,
Alice
PS: Totally wrote about it. Head over to www.gisellesylphide.webs.com to check it out. It's under... rather depressing. You should totally look around though, but I warn you that under the 'him' section some of those are so crappy they make me want to throw up, so it's okay if you hate them. I do too.
PPS: yup, you're probably not going to see how that's related to a hell of a lot of stuff

Sunday, September 26, 2010

...speaking of things that won't go away

I thought I was done, but I guess I'm not. I'm reeling right now, I probably will be for a while. And it does hurt me. It still hurts. I didn't realize it until today but it hurts so fucking bad. I want to un-realize it. I want her to go away again.

If not for Lissy and Aerial this moment could have gone much much worse. And I really don't care if you think I'm overreacting, because as I pointed out on the 11th I'm the only one who says what's important and what's not. I say this is a big deal. Because it is. You figure out the point of this bullshit, because I really don't know the point. anditskillingme

Love,
Alice

Get it together, heart

Why why WHY does it still hurt when she talks about him? We've been over for ages. She spent two years stringing me along, treating me like shit. So why do I care? Why does this still hurt? And I can't even hate her, because she's not a bad person. She's emotionally clueless, and her clueless-ness seriously hurts people... People that had faith in her, and believed her when she said she loved them... People like me. But she's not doing it on purpose, and certainly not maliciously, so I can't hate her.

I shouldn't even care, this shouldn't still hurt. I am in a relationship with a wonderful girl, a relationship I'm very happy in. I couldn't leave Lissy even if I tried... and I can't imagine ever wanting to. I love her. So why does it still hurt when she talks about him?

This is ridiculous. Get it together, heart.
~Alice

Saturday, September 25, 2010

You can't always.....

1. Get what you want, obviously
2. Get out of prison in less than a week, sorry, Lindsay, sucks to be you
3. Avoid sunburn
4. Successfully trick people into buying your bullshit story of your house being haunted
5. Win the lottery
6. Make A's on every exam
7. Form an internationally acclaimed band with some weird black light brown haired chick you met at camp
OR
Form an internationally acclaimed band with some weirdo who heard  you singing/playing the piano at camp
8. Write a decent full-length novel in a month (google national novel writing month)
9. Miss the ground when you aim at it
10. Come up with a top ten list of reasons you love your significant other..... So then you need make a top 25 list!

1. She's simply amazing
2. She's doesn't get annoyed when my thoughts fly to random topics
3. She admits that I'm tied with her kitten for living thing she loves most (and that kitty is so frikkin' cute...)
4. She's a dork, and it's adorable
5. She's all around gorgeous
6. She's one of the few people I know secure enough to not coat their face in make-up each morning
7. She makes promises she keeps
8. She watches cartoons!
9. I can't stop smiling when I'm talking to her
10. Or thinking about her (so... pretty much all the time)
11. If I'm upset she's always there to talk to
12. She doesn't judge people
13. And she's willing to give second chances
14. She shares ice cream with her cat
15. And apparently doesn't find it anywhere near as amusing as I do when said cat sticks her face in the bowl
16. She loves animals more than quite a few people
17. She knows she shouldn't ask me what could possibly go wrong.... because there's always something that can go wrong I'm willing to point out
18. She's fiercely loyal to the people she loves
19. If someone goes to hurt someone she cares about....well... feel bad for that person.
20. She converted! ....to being a gleek
21. She's brave enough to be in recovery
22. She's the number one reason to keep living
23. She's the one person that could ever make me feel grateful for sucking at suicide
24. She's beautiful, so beautiful, on the inside and the outside. Though she's yet to figure that out.
25. She's making it really hard to make a top 25 list... because I could go on and on, but I'll end on the fact that somehow her brain malfunctioned and she picked me to be the one she loves.

Love,
Alice

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Some petty drama and some not-so-petty memories

Today, my focus has just been on rushing. My serious thoughts were turned towards wondering how many invitations I was offered, how I came off to the members of the sororities... Which, I was only invited back to one, and hopefully I get invited back again tomorrow... the wait is until nine this time... I also realized that two sororities probably didn't want me back because of the scars on my arms. Lame. I'm still very concerned with that... also lame. But I realize, as all of you should, that the only person who has the right to decide what is petty or important in your life is you. I feel this is important, and so it is.

Today, what I do not wish to focus on is September 11, 2001. Not because of the terrorist attacks, though I remember that well. Fourth grade, Mrs. Lawson's class, Bill J. Elliot Elementary School. There wasn't an announcement for the whole school to hear, it was calls to each teacher. And then they turned on the news. Is there anyone who doesn't remember the continuous clip of the first plane hitting the first tower? Over and over and over, the fiery explosion... the plan hits the building... and the smoke and flames burst out.... again and again... Over and over. And then the second tower. And the pentagon. And the heroes that crashed in that Pennsylvania field.  Parents were checking their kids out of school early, by two in the afternoon Eddie and I were the only ones left.   We looked on the internet, where there was a picture of Osama Bin Laden. And I remember marveling at how any creature could be awful enough to plan this out, to kill all those people. And I was afraid that we would die that way... in a fiery explosion....  there were no planes in the sky... it was so blue and empty without cloud trails painted clearly through the clouds.... I hope to never see that sight again...

But that is not my bad memory of September 11th. My bad memory is my grandfather going into the hospital again... the second to last time I believe, or maybe it was the last. He died the following summer. He went into the hospital... that same one that he died at over the summer. Driving home from the hospital we got into a car accident... It hurt.

This is what I remember, this is the important thing that happened to me on September 11. This is the memory I've been clawing off the skin on my arm about while writing this. Not the towers, my grandpa. Maybe it is petty to you, but it is not to me. As I said... only we can decide what is important in our lives, and what is petty.

Love,
Alice

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Of rabid squirrels and ax-murderers

Yay... so this is my first post on here! Um... how to start? Oh, yes, with the ax-murderer. An ax-murderer, you say? On campus? Yes, my friends, an ax-murderer.

Okay, so fine I have no proof he was an ax-murderer, but I'm pretty sure he was. He had the creepy messy beard and a unibrow and he was balding a little... glaring at everyone. So, I think, maybe I will smile at him, and he will smile back because that's what normal non-ax-murderers do, right? So I smile at him, and he glares even harder. And I edge slowly to the other side of the sidewalk... and he glares more... and I stop smiling... and he glares more. No, not glares, more like scowls, like... well, an ax-murderer.

I will definitely be double locking my door tonight. And maybe barricading it shut.

Oh, oh, I forgot about the rabid squirrel the other day! At first I thought it was just spazzing out, but then it was... just extreme. Unnaturally extreme. Hopping up and down in place and flipping and tearing up everything near it, and running around in circles. I swear to you, I saw white foam. So I did not stick around very long, I walked away very quickly. Rabies isn't exactly my cup of tea. I would suggest all of you walk away quickly from a rabid squirrel. But don't run, it will chase! Maybe. I don't know if it will chase you, but I don't think running is a good idea. It's a squirrel, it will catch you, and it will bite you, and you will get rabies.

Love,
Alice