in which I sit at starbucks

So I just pretty much finished up my research paper. Just have to fix up all my fancy citations and add some statistics. I feel like I can breathe now, woo!! Now just to go back to school, do all my research and present on if Don't Ask, Don't Tell is unconstitutional due to the privacy act (hehe, it tried to change unconstitutional into institutionalism. it was kind of funny) and then research on sex ed in public education and present on that too, and then four finals. Woohoo! pleasegodkillmenow

I have had a wonderful break, getting to talk to my girlfriend for hours everyday, it's been pretty awesome. It made me realize again and again and again how lucky I am to have a wonderful, beautiful person in my life. She is bound and determined to change my mind and convince me that I'm pretty, it made me bawl my eyes out last night. I love her so much.

Now I am home. And I have no excuse to not finish up my paper. I will before I go to sleep. maybe. Eventually.

love,

Alice

in which I have nothing to refer to in this title

Listening to "Before The Dawn" makes me smile. I love her, so much. More than I've ever loved anyone or anything before. I smile all the time now. I love her. =)

in which I am BORED OF OUT MY MIND

So, the only major thing on my agenda is my big ginormous research project, but it's not due for another two weeks... I need to go do laundry now, soon, eventually.... But I have no motivation. At all. I'm bored out of my mind. I did just draw an entire tree on my forearm. It's awesome. But now I'm bored again. And I miss my girlfriend. =(

I drew the 'e' from Evanescence but it's slightly lopsided. Okay, it's totally lopsided. I really need to go do my laundry. But I do not want to. >.< Must go do laundry.... bleck. I don't want to.

Yeah, if you're still reading this you must be as bored as I am. So so so bored. The laundry room is thirteen floors away... and I'm tired. But I need to. Because my sheets are no longer on my bed. So I need to. But I don't want to. Someone motivate me?

a very bored,

Alice

Pulled muscles and far too much work

So I totally pulled a muscle in my hip. And it hurts. I blame Hilo for being a jerkface and not letting me clean his hooves. He gets really impatient at about his third hoof. Then it's nearly impossibly to get his fourth. Rocky, however, hates getting his hooves clean but will stick his foot up immediately when you reach down for it. I think his thought process is, the faster she can get my hoof, the faster she can start, and the faster I can get back to my life. Anyway. Whether Hilo is to blame or not, I still pulled a muscle and it sucks.

BUT I GOT TRAINED AS A LEADER TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you know what that means? I can now lead the horses the riders are on. =) I'm now a handler, side-walker, and leader!!! I'm awesome.

tomorrow I need to start working on the shitload of work I have piled up in front of me. The thought of it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry. Weekends are meaningless now! *sobs* Damn, you college, you steal my life away!! Thanksgiving break is rapidly approaching though. YAY!

Love,

Alice

in which I dance around to Taylor Swift in my socks.

I keep sliding along the floor.Lol. It's pretty fun. Just got back from seeing the dance maker's concert. It was.... something else. I think I liked it. It was certainly entertaining, at one point they were all but having sex on stage. They got down to bras and underwear only. Not entirely sure what that could be about except hating someone and having sex with them. A tad bit odd.

The sky disappointed me today, it looked like it was going to rain this morning, and then it got sunny and hot so everyone had to go change into short sleeves and after the concert it looked like it was going to pour but didn't. I wish it had rained after the concert. I was in a good enough mood to dance around in the rain. But it didn't rain, so now I'm dancing around my room (my roommate already left for the weekend, not that it would surprise her).

And I want to take this time to say that I really, really love my girlfriend. =)

in which I am at the whims of my computer charger

I am not even kidding. My charger is broken or something so I have to angle it all weird to keep it charging. It's taken over my life "and so then the statistics are bia-- shit my charger!" "yeah, did you watch glee tonight... is that light on still?" "I lo-- dammit!" Yeah. So not pretty.

In other news I need to wrap up soon.... my anxiety medicine is not working, I have two tests, a paper, and a presentation due next week, and an outline due on thursday, and a 15 page research paper the week after next. And THEN finally, thanksgiving. It cannot come quickly enough. Shit, and an AHS meeting tomorrow... at the wrong time too. Weirdo people scheduling things at weird times. I don't want to wander around campus at night, it's big and dark and empty and dark, and creepy, and dark. Did I say dark? It'll be very dark. And... I'm far to paranoid for that. God, I need sleep. argh! Charger!

Love (a slightly deranged),

Alice

Not your normal girl

I don't know if my parents have realized yet that I'm not a normal girl. I don't eat because I have an eating disorder, not because I don't like your cooking or I'm trying to disrespect you. I think you'd know that because I've been anorexic for FOUR FUCKING YEARS. I'm in recovery but there I times I can't do it, it's hard enough to eat with foods I love let alone foods that make me throw up when I eat them. Yes, when you scream at me I cut because it's the only thing that makes it stop hurting, because when you're screaming they're screaming too, remember, it's called schizoaffective disorder. I don't go to parties because I have extreme social anxiety, not because I'm just antisocial and trying to isolate. And no, I don't have a boyfriend.

I'm not a normal girl and until you realize that we're not going to have a good relationship.

In more positive news I went in to volunteer today and it was awesome. Except for being fucking cold. HiLo (well, it's HiHo but I said it wrong, so now he's stuck with it) is a sweetie, he's retired because he has cancer though. =( We gave him some TLC today, brushed out his coat and mane till it shined, cleaned out his hooves, gave him a few laps around the big paddock and just gave him lots of love. When we got him out of the pasture a black gelding stuck his head through the gate and tried to eat another girls hair, shoes, and hoodie. Then Luke thought he was a dog and followed me everywhere I went. HiLo kept running away from the harness, it was so funny. And then I sidewalked for Olivia and found out that the "mare meadow" is all the way on the other side of the ranch and she wanted bad to stop and eat all the grass she saw. I love volunteering. =)

Love,

Alice

Speaking of karma

You did what you did
I know what you did
And you know what you did
Who's it haunting?
Who's being eaten alive at night?
Who pulls into the drive
and waits there for something to change
For the strength to say, I'm sorry
I love you
I never should have left you
Please take me back
What's it like?
What's it like to know you lost out?
That you lost?
You'll never come home to her smile again
You'll never hear her laugh
You'll never hold her again
You lost her love
You never deserved it anyway
So you can be eaten alive at night
And pull into the drive
And stare as long as you'd like
I'll be inside holding her
Making her laugh
Marveling at her beautiful smile
You lost out
But I didn't.

Karma's a bitch, isn't she, baby?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I want to say 'I told you so' I want to SO bad, but I'll hold my tongue.

He "just doesn't love her anymore" and tells her he's been fighting with it for a while and pretty much has been stringing her along for months, and now he's with a new girl and she hates her but wants him to be happy, what's a girl to do?

Hmm.... maybe I could be more sympathetic if she didn't put me through the EXACT same thing. Only instead of months, lets try two fucking years. Oh, and them dating when she and I were still together. Well, in her mind we weren't (in her imaginary world where she had the guts to actually break up with me) but, in fact, we were. Do you know what that's called, class? That's right: cheating.

Here's your karma, baby, have fun with it.

love,

Alice

Dear You

Dear Stalker,

You had better not be reading this. You'd better have stopped a long time ago. Because it's been a long fucking time to be hanging on to nothing but your own obsession. We had one date. ONE. And then you went and texted and emailed and called and messaged me every second of every day. When I said to leave me alone you did not. When I threatened to get a restraining order you didn't stop. When I cried and said you were scaring me, please stop, when I begged you to stop you did not. I did, I cried. I was honestly, truly terrified. I blocked you on everything, on my phone as well, my friends locked you out as well, I spent an entire semester walking the long way around everything just so I wouldn't run into you. But you found ways to run into me. When you finally stopped, and I felt safe again, you came back. You started the same bullshit all over again. I just start to lower my walls and let someone else in and you come back and terrify me again. But you're gone again and you had better not come back. Because that restraining order will become a reality, in fact, I will fight to get you behind bars for as long as possible. Also, besides your jail time there, you would also need to deal with my girlfriend. You do not want to do that. So, here's some news for you, don't come back again, because hell awaits you if you do.

Sincerely,

The Girl You Need To Forget About Already