On a box of Poptarts- "After heating, contents will be hot." (Damn, you mean that won't cool them off?)
On a hairdryer- "do not use in shower" and "do not use while sleeping" (what? People don't like being electrocuted?)
On a box of sleeping pills- "warning! May cause sleepiness." (...there's really nothing I can say for this)
On a knife- "warning, do not insert into genital." (that hurts to think about)
On an Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter- "do not use near fire, flame, or sparks" (but, but, but I need it to light the fire)
On a bottle of Hydrochloric acid- "Caution: not for use in aiding digestion" (That would totally help with digestion. Everything would go right through you. Literally.)
On a tag for a Superman cape- "Warning: cape does not enable user to fly" (Then I want my money back!)
On a Battery- "Caution: do not improperly charge or dispose of in fire, battery may explore or leak" (where will it explore)
On a label on a curling iron- "for external use only"and "warning: this product can burn eyes" (umm... I don't even want to know where else you'd be putting that curling iron)
On a wheelbarrow wheel- "not intended for highway use" (dammit.)
On a package of Chinese lanterns- "this product for indoor or outdoor use only" (as opposed to what? Outer space?)
On a bag of grapes- "Please store in the cold section of the refridgerator" (Not the hot section of course)
On a tube of deodorant- "do not use intimately" (no matter how lonely you are)
On another lighter- "do not light in face" and "do not expose to flame" (unless you want to go all Two Faced on the world)
On a box of dice- "not for human consumption" (but your dogs can totally eat them)
On a package of peanuts- "warning: may contain nuts" (well I should hope so.)
On a box of bottle rockets- "do not put in mouth" (Do not practice fellatio on)
On a box of fruit roll-ups- "Remove plastic before eating" (.......)
On a TV remote control- "Not dishwasher safe" (but then how do I wash it?)
On a wristwatch- "warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants" (this one just speaks for itself)
On a car commercial- "Always drive on roads, not on people" (this is not GTA, people!)
On a washing machine- "Do not put any person in this washer" (can I put my cat in?)
On a package of screwdrivers- "6PCS Precision screwdriver set not to be inserted into penis" (I'm not a guy, but that sounds very painful even to me)
On an ipod shuffle- "Do not eat ipod shuffle" (but I'm so hungry!)
On a bottle of dog pills- "Use care when operating a car" and "alcohol may intensify this effect" (why is my dog drinking and driving? Bailey! What have you been up to?)
On a chainsaw- "do not hold the wrong end of a chainsaw" (if you do, you'll win a Darwin award.)
On an oven- "all ranges can tip if you or your child stand, sit, or lean on an open door" (please don't put your children in the oven)
If y'all think of anymore, comment or email me and tell me because maybe I'll make a sequel to this list.
Love,
Alice
Compiled with the assistance of:
http://www.oddee.com/item_88437.aspx
http://www.rinkworks.com/said/warnings.shtml
and Josilynn. Like always.
