Grudges. Can you hold them? I can't. Well, not really... I mean, there's people who have done really shitty things to me, that I've yet to be able to forgive them for, but I'm not really full of anger towards them, or any negative energy. I'm not mad, they just hurt me and I haven't forgiven them. Actually, I don't know if I'll ever forgive some of these people. Hmm.... list of people I do not know if I can forgive and their crimes:
-Les, director of my ballet school: stands condemned for borderline encouraging my ED, completely looking away from depression and self-injury (like, seriously, it's ballet, it's kind of hard not to notice when your student has arms covered in cuts and scars, or when she routinely has at least one spots on her tights where a cut has bled through), and telling me to "cut the crap and dance" when I was trying to tell him that I was breaking down, that I was losing it. A little over a month after that I was in the hospital.
-Alicia, a girl I thought I knew: her crime is just being a bitch and trying to pull me as far down as she could to make herself feel better.
-R***, stalker: stands condemned for exactly what his description is, being a stalker. Terrifying me to the point where I can't be out at night without jumping at every noise, thinking it's him, hiding my name and not even being able to write his out because then he might find me again. And the nightmares.
There's one other person that I can't even put down because I ashamed of the fact that I can't forgive her yet. It's awful. After everything I should be able to forgive her, but I just can't.
Do any of you have those people you can't forgive? Or people you're holding grudges against, people you're still fucking pissed the hell off at? Lesson: You're not a bad person if you do.
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