Sometimes...

There are things we wish we could say... but cannot. We like to say that we don't say those things because we don't want to insult, or offend... but I think that is mostly a lie. Fear keeps mouths closed. Like I fear telling her that I never did hate him... I never wanted this to happen... but that I thought it might. I wanted them to be happy, no, not them, her. I wanted her to be happy. I could never begrudge her that happiness, even when it killed mine... even when she picked him. Even when she strung me along for so long... when I was so stupid and didn't see that until the end, when she finally admitted that we were over. I still wanted her to be happy.

She didn't want to, she didn't mean to, she's not that kind of girl. But it happened. And I have no happiness that it happened to her. That he would do much the same. No one deserves that. My heart is breaking for her. And I'm afraid if I say that she'll get the wrong idea. Because it would be the wrong idea. I'm happier than I have ever been with Lissy, she puts a smile on my face even on the worst of days (and on the best I'm always grinning like a fool), she's the arms that pull me up when I fall, and she's the one who isn't afraid to laugh when I report that I managed to fall up the stairs again.

And I'm afraid to say anything... because the chorus of one song is still ringing in my ears and I do not want to repeat it to her.

Chorus of Carrie Underwood's "I Told You So"

I told you so

Oh, I told you so.

I told you some day you'd come crawlin' back

And asking me to take you in

I told you so

But you had to go

Now I've fond somebody new

And you will never break my heart in two again.

Love,

Alice

PS. Keep an eye on my poetry site, a new one's going up soon under All Jumbled Together.